NoQS Agent Round: Stone Soldiers

Title: STONE SOLDIERS
Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
Word Count: 93,000

My MC and MA (main antagonist) are dressed as:

Slave Leia.

In an impulsive move to annoy his father, Prince Kol arrives at a Halloween party as Slave Leia from Star Wars. However, his hated fiancée, Tatiana, is there and also dressed as Slave Leia. Relishing in the attention the revealing outfit offers her, Tatiana spits out her drink at the sight of Kol’s ridiculous version of the costume. But it almost looks like they planned the gag together, so Tatiana recovers quickly. She grins and waves someone over to take a photo of them. To Kol’s dismay, Tatiana sticks closely to him for the rest of the evening.

Query:

Despite growing up with a banished mother and a parade of executed stepmothers, 18-year-old Prince Kol of Yu-Xien survived with only mild impulsivity issues and a tendency to run when things get too hard. Like now, for instance.

When the erratic King forces an engagement between Kol and the enemy princess to feign peace, Kol sneaks out of Yu-Xien for a taste of the real world, where every country’s magic has its own rules. Yet just as Kol meets Eleanor, a free-spirited athlete with strength magic, and reveals his unique ability to conjure an army from the earth, the enemy nation threatens war if Kol doesn’t marry his fiancée. Kol returns to stall negotiations, but he brings Eleanor, sending his fiancée into a tizzy and his nation into political upheaval.

Kol races to fight his fiancée’s coup as the volatile King continues to terrorize Kol and his sisters, all while balancing his budding relationship with Eleanor. As Yu-Xien continues to crumble, Kol looks to his own magic to save his nation. This time he can’t run away, but instead must work with his sisters to seize their father’s crown—a move that could cost them their heads.

First 250:

I poke at a dumpling with my chopsticks as the sunlight shines on Princess Tatiana’s teeth, making them look even bigger. Her mouth moves, but I block out her high-pitched voice. Undoubtedly, it’s another lecture about her country’s vast superiority to mine because they have this different dining custom or that varying tax policy.

My sister, Margot, squeezes the hand of her husband, Lin, who quickly asks Tatiana another question. I toy with the napkin on the table, folding it over and over, as Tatiana’s voice squeaks a response. I can’t even pretend to be interested in Tatiana’s babble anymore. Evidently, Margot notices because I hear a grating noise that can only be her pay attention Kol cough.

I cast a casual glance over at her. Margot glares at me before scanning the dumpling house. Satisfied that no one witnessed her disapproval, she carefully tucks a strand of blonde hair back into her coifed bun with quiet dignity before refocusing on Tatiana. They could keep up this charade all day. I have to act now.

“Are you feeling unwell, sister?” I innocently press a concerned hand to my chest. “That sounds like a nasty cough. Should we get you home?”

Margot stares at me with pursed lips and tightens her grip on Lin’s hand. “I’m quite all right,” she says finally, before smiling at Tatiana, her face re-masked with perfect elegance.

“We can’t have you getting sick on a big day like today,” I say.