I'm young. I'm still sorting through my life trying to figure out where I'm going and what I want for myself. I have big dreams and the drive and talent to accomplish them.
But I'm afraid of failing.
I'm afraid of my life not turning out how I want it. I'm not trying to sound haughty or better-than-thou, but I don't want to end up like him, broken and defeated. Or her, drunk and strung out. Or that person that we all know that's angry ALL the time.
They were once like me. They once had dreams and aspirations. They once had drive, gumption, talent, and the know-how to take them anywhere in life.
But they ended up like that. Angry. Depressed. Drunk.
Lost.
I remember when I first started querying agents. I was so happy to put myself and my work out there. I could have queried a million agents in one sitting if I didn't have the restraint. Then, the inevitable:
Rejection.
Rejection.
Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.
Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.
Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.
Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.
I felt like every rejection brought me a step closer to relentless anger, a drunken stupor, or depression. When I queried agents after all the rejections, it felt like I ran a marathon before I even hit the send button. I was exhausted just copying and pasting my query letter into an email.
Then Query Kombat happened. No, it didn't just happen. It took a lot of hard work and planning, but SC, Michelle, and I made it happen. You, the mentors, judges, and agents made it happen.
Query Kombat took a huge leap of faith on my part. No one in the writing community knew who I was before the tournament. My co-hosts didn't even know who I was. If I failed, I would have felt ruined before I even began.
But Michelle and SC agreed to help me mold a single idea into a successful query kontest. They helped me with more than just that though. They helped me rebuild the confidence I lost amidst so much rejection.
I'm not saying I won't end up depressed, angry, or a drunken idiot. I don't know what the future holds. What I do know is what I can do now. What I do know is
-We Bought a Zoo
So grateful you decided to host this :) I know the feelings of rejection, but I hope that eventually you know the feelings of success even if it doesn't come exactly how you planned :)
ReplyDeleteQuerying can rob anyone of their confidence. It's like eating humble pie 24/7. We have to remember to keep our heads up and focused on the fact that other people's opinions don't define us.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for inviting me to your wonderful contest. It was the best decisions ever to help host!
This is great :) Thank you so much for telling me your 'little' idea! Look how big and amazing it became.
ReplyDeleteMike- You don't even know how many lives your explosive idea of QueryKombat has touched so far. A mustard seed for sure. I have experienced so much awesome sauce because of your "little idea", and I'm only one person. Thank you. If you want a critique partner or something, ask me. I don't know much, but I will be honest and as helpful as I can.
ReplyDeleteDo what you must in this moment. This moment is all you have. Learn from the past and don't worry about the future. Yeah, cliches, I know. But true.
I know you are going to ride a roller coaster, but you are going to enjoy the shit out of parts of the ride and you might vomit during others. So what.
Oh, one last thing, I heard Chuck Norris died eight years ago. But Death is too afraid to tell him. So kick ass like Chuck Norris!
Very moving and honest post.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for rejections, I'd like to call them, 'Badges of Determination'.
I wish you well in your dreams. New follower.
It takes a lot of time and maturity to get used to rejection and know that it truly shouldn't define you. Maybe on some level we never get used to it... we are the artsy, sensitive types, right? I'm in the query trenches now, for the second time after shelving the first project I queried, and I feel your pain. It suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. I don't even know what else to say... it just suuuuuuuuuuucks. But at least it sucks for all of us. Good luck, know that a lot of this business IS just luck, and keep trying.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for doing QueryKombat. Even though I was booted in the second round (thanks Rob Polk!), it was still a great experience for me - it was the first contest I entered that didn't make me cry. :) Maybe I'm getting tougher, but I think it's more that everyone involved was just that awesome.
Very inspiring!
ReplyDelete