A World in Perspective

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a writer. Similar to my gender or race, it's just WHO I am. I can't hide it, and I don't want to. Usually when people find out, they say, "Oh, that's cool," and proceed to ask WHAT I write about (which is a pretty hard question to answer without sounding completely bonkers, but I digress--only because most writers [myself included] are a little loony).

Today, however, I was asked a different question: "Dude, why?"

His face looked like this when he asked

Though I answered with a simple shrug, saying "Because...

 

internally, I was baffled by the question. I spent the rest of the day asking myself "why the hell do I write?" I mean, it's mentally draining, time consuming, and not financially rewarding. On top of that, once I finish a novel, I have to reread it until my eyes bleed, send it out for others to hack to pieces, then rewrite it until my fingers fall off. And don't let me get started on the querying process. 

If writing was sex, querying would be an STD

So WHY do I write? What makes all the BS that comes with it worth it?

For me, the answer lies in all that I've been through. I've experienced immense happiness and crushing sadness. At my lowest, I turned to fiction to raise my spirits. Novels became my escape; they showed me that the world held a lot more than what was going on in MY world. I read stories about  how people hurtled insurmountable obstacles, defeated unbeatable beasts, and became stronger and better than the person they were the day before. Those stories gave me hope. They gave me the strength needed to make it through the tough times. 

Those stories saved my life.

At my happiest (when I was idealistic and walking on clouds), fiction grounded me. I was reminded that the world wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. People were starving, suffering, being enslaved, being tortured... 

I was reminded that beauty is all about perspective...

 

Fiction taught me that the world CAN be beautiful from every point of view. But in order to accomplish that, I had to get my head out of the clouds. I had to bring my own form of beauty to the ugly parts of the world. 

And I do that through my writing.

My Best Friend Dead, DeadEarth, The Thieves Guild, Black Market Baby, Kids of Kingdom... every story that I have penned has a certain beauty to it. Even if that beauty is just pulling back the mask on the ugly.

I write because I have a dream that the entire world can live with their head in the clouds. And it would be rightly so. 

That's why I write, so why do you?

Facebook and your Rights

Let's talk about Net Neutrality

What is Net Neutrality:

Simply put, net neutrality is a network design paradigm that argues for broadband network providers to be completely detached from what information is sent over their networks.  In essence, it argues that no bit of information should be prioritized over another. (Pulled from Berkeley.edu)

So, what would happen if we DIDN'T have New Neutrality? Let's look at it this way:


After years of hard work, pain, sweat, and tears, you finally finish your novel. You decide to go the self-publishing route (or traditional route. The end result is the same), and you couldn't be happier. You spend months getting your novel in pristine condition, dreaming of seeing it on Amazon, Goodread, Smashwords, etc., and talking about on QueryTracker, AgentQueryConnect, Bookbub, etc.

But suddenly, your internet service provider's (ISP) Standard Operating Procedure changes. They get greedy. They send Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, AQC, QueryTracker, Bookbub, etc.a letter stating that unless they pay a reoccurring monthly fee, they'll throttle (slow down) their websites' speeds.

Some sites can afford to pay, others can't. Those that can't can either charge for their services to raise the money, or their company will die.

Now, without Net Neutrality, it takes a full thirty seconds to load EVERY page of AQC and QT because they haven't paid. They'll lose traffic because who has that much time to wait.

Sounds a lot like blackmail, doesn't it? 

Sites that can afford to pay may get throttled anyway because their competition's CEO may be friends/make a deal with an ISP CEO.

Your favorite sites charge more money or slow to agonizing speeds. If they don't charge, they'll plaster ads all over every available surface.

And the worst part of all, WE are still paying $100-150 for that every month.

That is what will happen if Net Neutrality is lost.

And guess what?

The FCC has APPROVED plans to consider paid priority internet. THEY ARE CONSIDERING THE END OF NET NEUTRALITY.

So, what can you do about it? Visit the site below. This guy lays it out clearly.

http://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/25pltx/online_petition_to_remove_tom_wheeler_as_chairman/chjimuq

If the public doesn't act, the internet will cease to be what it is. Only the strong and wealthy sites will survive. We can't have that. Help protect Net Neutrality!

Thoughts From Outside the Box

Has the world gone crazy or is it just me?

I'm kind of a hybrid kid. I went to college but had to take a leave of absence because my mom (whom I'm living with) makes too much money for Pell grant assistance (according to FAFSA), but not enough to pay for college for me AND my brother (according to math). Thankfully, I will be a full-time student again next year!

But that's not important. The financial aid system is effed up, but that's trivial in the scope of what I'm about to reveal.

I have just discovered that of ALL the people I still talk to from high school (and who didn't complete college) I am the last non-married childless one of the bunch. I'll wait a moment for that to sink in...

Now, I've been thinking about this all day and I've evaluated the situation two ways. 1: There's something wrong with me. I dropped the ball on the whole dating scene and I need to seriously step my game up. I need to meet a nice girl instead of sitting in front of my computer writing about guys meeting nice girls. I need to escape this effed up conundrum.

Or 2: My friends have no idea what to do with their lives now that high school is over. There are no more test, quizzes, football games, projects, gossip, insane teachers, or pretty girls/handsome guys. Their life has no focus anymore...and it ended so abruptly. I mean, one minute you're stressing over finals and the next you're crying to Friends Forever by Vitamin C and planning next years trip to the Homecoming game.

I love you guys. Aww, group hug!

I think my friends don't know what to do at this stage of their lives so they mimic their parents, hoping it'll buy them time to figure out how to be an adult. 'Cause, you know, adulthood is is just like graduating high school. You're sitting at the kid's table one day and the next day some old geezer slaps you with 'Come on, we're all adults here, right?' Like, WTF. When did that happen?

I want to shake my friends stupid. I mean, I know it's the path they chose, but come on. There is an entire world out there. I mean, the earth has 57.5 MILLION square miles of land, of culture, of awesome shish-kabob, and delectable ice cream. Why would you want to take the fast track to living in a box, driving in a box, and working in a box before you had a chance to see, to experience, as much as possible?

Am I crazy to think that way?

My Take On...Starting A Writing Contest

When I had the idea for Query Kombat, I knew it was something I wanted to pursue but I had absolutely no idea how.

Of course, there was a lot of fear involved before even taking the first leap, and at every milestone littered throughout: Will agents respond? Will enough writers respond? Can I really do this? What if my partners and I can't agree on a key part of the contest? How can we divide the exposure and workload fairly and around each others work schedule? What happens if the contest falls through after we've spread the word?

Those fears paralyzed me for about a month. I mean, I was a new blogger with no followers, few writerly friends, and to top it all off, I'm an introvert.

About a week or two later, I entered SC's contest. One thing led to another, throw in five seconds of extroverted courage, and SC was on board with the contest. Not only that, he was EXCITED about it.

SC invited Michelle to lend her wisdom and help us out and, as you all know, she said yes as well.

At this point, I realized that taking the official first step to kicking off Query Kombat was very similar to standing at the base of Mt. Everest. I was too afraid to start something of that magnitude on my own, but with Michelle and SC standing at my side (though the fear was still there), I felt like it was possible. Not easy, just possible.

Maybe I'm out of line to say this, but I'm almost positive that a team is behind every big and medium sized writing contest out there, even if only one person hosts it. I wish you could see the HUNDREDS of emails SC, Michelle, and I sent back and forth. They would truly amaze.

Admittedly, I got lucky when it came to finding a great team. We were able to share, alter, disagree, question, expand on, and implement each others ideas without argument. And a lot of our ideas were left up to the popular vote.

Finding agents was the easy part. Explaining the entirety of the contest and their roles in it was a bit more difficult. It was almost like writing a query letter. We had to explain everything clearly but succinctly. I have to tell you, we each probably read and tweaked the email we would sent to agents a dozen times each. Same goes for each blog post concerning the contest.

Timing was also a challenge for us in more ways than one. Not only was sending and receiving time-sensitive emails impossible at times, but announcing and spreading the contest news (to the public) in a way that would keep us relevant was strategic. Too far apart and you feel like the contest isn't making enough ripples. Too close together and you feel like you're being bothersome...and if you announce all the info too soon you won't have any ripples to make later on.

Scheduling was very difficult because we were sandwiched between two holidays and had the run time of other contests to consider. Not only that, but we didn't want the contest to run longer than a month. Throw in the fact that we had to work around twenty-five other people's schedule AND we didn't really know what to expect from the judges in each round and you can see why the schedule was made to give us time to deal with any miscommunication (which there was a good amount of), mistakes, and problems.

Dividing the workload and exposure went particularly smoothly. We each had a reason for taking the round we did, and the two not hosting the round helped out the best they could. We (sort of) alternated between who wrote blog posts, emails to mentors, agents, judges, reminder emails, nudge emails, etc.

Disappointment is hard to deal with, and I think everyone can expect to have some disappointments with their first big contest (especially if their first big contest is their FIRST contest). The agent round (in our opinion) wasn't as spectacular as we hoped it would be. By no stretch of the imagination was it the agents' fault. Rather, it was our lack of experience with contests that led to a less than uber awesome round...

BUT!!!!!!

We learned. From all of our downfalls, mishaps, and failure, we learned. And when we come back next year, Query Kombat will be better. And it will only get better every year we bring it back.

All in all, Query Kombat was a difficult experience. I won't lie to you and say it was more fun than difficult, because it wasn't. It WAS rewarding though. Seeing queries get better, watching writers connect, and watching the AMAZING interactions with opponents was heartwarming. The writing community is truly like no other.

So, if you're interested in starting a writing contest, you should be nervous and afraid. Both of those feeling will help you, challenge you, and let you know whether or not you're up to the task. Sit on the idea for a few weeks. If after those weeks you haven't convinced yourself not to go through with it, talk it out with someone. See if your idea is feasible and unique in some way. Then look for agents, judges, mentors, etc if that's what your contest requires. Do that before you even announce your contest, because you shouldn't even think about conquering Mt. Everest without the right support. After that, be prepared to work. SC, Michelle, and I did share a few laughs along the way. But in between those laughs was hard work, frustration, and (at the end) relief.

Why I Cry

Childhood is supposed to be the most carefree portion of everyone's life. It's a time of wonder and hope, blind trust and love. It's a time when adventure can be had camping in the back yard or climbing up bunkbeds. It's supposed to be carefree...fun.

Mine wasn't.

My childhood was filled with terror. I was so afraid that I couldn't relax. I was always tense, on edge...waiting. Waiting for my mother to come home and yell at, curse at, or beat me and my siblings. I lived in constant fear ever single day of the first 16 years of my life. Every. Single. Day.

TV was my escape. I'd watch a show or movie and, for that hour/hour and a half, I would be someone else, somewhere else. I'd live in a place I could relax and be myself. A place where I didn't have to fear showing emotion. 

Every life that I became a part of has stayed with me from then til now. They gave me solace when I needed it the most, joy during my darkest hour, and hope for a brighter day. Lilo and Stitch, Jett Jackson, Alex Mack, Zenon, Cory Mathews, and Keenan and Kel (just to name a few) were the highlights of my life. They helped for me into the man I am today.

And I don't want to see any more of them die. Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Bernie Mac, Lee Thompson Young, Cory Monteith...they're all gone. And each time I hear the news, I lose a piece of myself because they did so much for me, and I couldn't do a single thing to save them.

RIP Lee Thompson Young

You were a memorable part of my childhood, and it's so sad to see you go. I'll always remember you as The Famous Jett Jackson

"Go big or go home."

A Single Moment

It’s something I’ve never understood or gave much leniency on. Whether it’s cigarettes, cocaine, marijuana, alcohol or heroin, my belief was ‘YOU put yourself in that situation and thus YOU must face the consequences.’ I just couldn’t understand why someone would willingly do something so harsh and damaging to themselves. I mean, we’ve all gone through Drug Week in elementary, middle, and high school, haven’t we?

The death of Cory Monteith, my idol, at the hands of addiction flipped my world upside down. Part of me was frustrated that he put himself in that situation. I was angry that he was too weak to stay away from drugs. I wanted to yell at him and shake him and punch him.

The other part of me wanted to understand. And the need to understand got me thinking.

I’m a weight conscious guy. I try to eat healthy to make up for the times that I don’t. I also work in construction. My job can be frustrating and exhausting at times. On those days, I swing by a fast food joint and pick up a large strawberry milkshake. Always large. Always strawberry. Always.

Today was a rough day. I turned into the parking lot of the fast food joint only to realize I didn’t have my debit card (I don’t carry cash). I scavenged my car for change but still came up short (even for a small), so I drove home. All I could think about during the drive was that damn shake. Even with my low fuel light on, I went back out to get that milkshake before I even consider getting gas. And let me tell you, it was worth it.

At that moment, I realized all it takes is a single moment of weakness to succumb to addiction. One. Single. Moment. I think everyone can attest to how impossible stressful aggravating difficult life can be. We've all had our moment of weakness. For some, it’s strawberry milkshakes. For others, it’s chocolate. We only see the result of those guilty pleasures when we step on the scale. But whether it’s chocolate or drugs, we succumbed to a moment of weakness. We let outside forces get the best of us. Why? Because we CAN NOT be strong every day all day. We need something to take us away from the pressure.

Unfortunately, sometimes drugs take us away permanently.

What are your thoughts?

Wings and a Halo

The sudden death of Cory Monteith (31) surprised and shocked me to the point that I'm still questioning whether or not today is really real. For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, Cory is an uber talented singer and actor who rocketed to stardom via the role of Finn Hudson on the hit series Glee.

I started watching the show because I love music, expression, and pretty women. I continued watching it because it evolved into something much more than that. It became a movement. The show taught me and countless others to be ourselves, and accept others for who they are without question or passing judgement. It taught me to fight for my dreams, that it's okay to lose yourself, and that falling in love (or in like) means opening yourself up to being hurt AND opening yourself up to the very best life can offer.

The show taught me to be okay with me. And you. Andyouandyouandyou.

Cory Monteith helped teach me those lessons. He influenced my thoughts that turned to words that turned to stories that turned to characters that comprise each of my novels. He (and the rest of the cast) made me, my writing, and my life better. He was my hero.

Thank you, Cory. Your life and deeds have made the lives of countless others so so SO much better. Thank you for being fearless and teaching me to be the same. Thank you for being a gentlemen and giving me model to strive towards.

Thank you for being good. You made this world better.

You are loved, remembered, and missed. May your soul fly with angels tonight.

Sticks and Stones and Broken Bones

The true measure of a man is in how he treats someone he isn't expected to treat well. --Unknown

I started a WIP (work-in-progress for all those non-writer folk) a few days ago that pulled me into a world I never expected. I'm a pantser, which means I start a novel with the most basic idea, and I try to make it work. This particular idea pulled me in two direction. The first was horses (which I won't discuss), and the second was autism (which I will discuss on a broader spectrum). Now, watching Hidalgo is about as close as I have ever come to a horse. And I know a famous actor (Toni Braxton?) has an autistic kid. All in all, I was pretty ignorant on both fronts.

So, I did what any sane writer would do to educate themselves...I went on Youtube. And I found this video...

This video kindled one of my saddest memories; one that I've never spoken about...until today.

I was ten, and there was a kid named Timothy that my class had lunch with everyday. Now, Timothy didn't have autism, but he did have some form of cognitive disability. I would take advantage of him at lunch. If we were having something particularly delicious at lunch one day, I would ask him for it. He would respond with one simple request: Will you be my friend? I would always say 'of course' and get what I wanted. But I was never REALLY his friend. I wouldn't so much as glance his way until the next time I wanted something.

To this day, I can hear him asking for me to be his friend. I can see his face, and the hope burning in his eyes. I wish I had been a better, stronger person back then. I wish I stood up to the other kids taking advantage of him. Most of all, I wish I had been a true friend.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: Whether it's autism, Tourette syndrome, Down syndrome, or no syndrome at all, we need to be more understanding, more patient. It's so easy to pass judgment on someone we don't know or don't understand. So often we hear of kids getting bullied in school because they think differently, act differently, or love differently. Those same kids go on to commit suicide. My deepest fear is that Timothy is one of those kids. Nothing has led me to believe he has harmed himself, but the question has always lingered...what if?

I remember growing up. I got picked on a lot. I grew to be so self-conscious that it followed me into adulthood. I used to hide behind a sweater and baggy pants, thinking that the less people saw of me the safer I'd be. It wasn't until I turned 18 that I shed that jacket. Five years after that was the first time I wore shorts in as long as I can remember.

The common saying is 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' That couldn't be more untrue. Words cut deeper than sticks and stones. They tear at self-esteem and self-respect, leaving only doubt and sadness in their wake.

Have any of you judge unfairly or unnecessarily? Send out your apologies in the comments below.

To Timothy: I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend to you, but know that you have changed my life for the better. I wish every day that I can take back those days in grade school, but I can't. What I can do, however, is be a better person going forward. Thank you for teaching me a valuable less, and for making me a better person.

Your friend. Your true friend,
Michael

No wind is favorable.

"If a man does not know to what port he is steering, no wind is favorable to him." --Seneca

Direction is important in anyone's life. It is the driving force that pushes each of us out of our comfort zones and into a world that can be unforgiving and cruel. Despite the fear that chokes us at least once in our lives, direction is what allows us to conquer our apprehension of the numerous unknowns of adulthood. I idolize my mother because, somehow, she makes it look easy.

But I'm afraid.

I want to be a published author someday. The need to write, the desire to be the best I can be, and the euphoric sensation I get when someone compliments my work is my addiction. It is an incurable and insatiable ailment that leaves me breathless with excitement some days, and crushed under a million solemn tears others. I didn't choose this. It chose me. I was born to write, and I will die with a pen clutched in my fist and a story carved into my soul.

But I am afraid.

Doubt. What if I'm not good enough? Every serious writer knows the immense odds stacked against us. We are citizens of an industry riddled with guardians at every corner. Our success is hinged upon the affirmation of others. We live in a world where 250 words are more difficult to write than the 80, 90, or 100,000 words that comprise our novels. We are a people who venture into a world knowing that rejection is imminent, and we welcome it.

Sometimes, I think that even with direction, no wind is favorable.

I know where I want to go in life. Writing has been my calling since the first time I heard its melancholy melody. My blood is ink, my soul is an array of blank pages, my heart is a storyteller, and my mind is a pen. I don the armor of an eternal warrior, but it doesn't protect me. I still feel the sharp pangs of rejection, the bitter lashes of a sour critique, and the loving caress of progress.

But what happens if I cross the ocean littered with the despair of writers and the corpses of stories untold? What happens if I outlast the white squalls, plow through the tsunamis, and bite my thumb at the thunderstorms? What happens if I find myself on the other side, though battered and bruised, and it is not the land of my idols? What happens...?

So here I am, sailing in whatever direction the wind blows. Part of me wants to seek refuge in the land of publication, yet part of me wishes the journey never ends. Here and now, I have hopes and aspirations. I have dreams both big and small. And I have a genuinely optimistic outlook on my future.

So what should I do when I want to travel both east and west simultaneously?

Hm, I guess for now, no wind is favorable.