A Quick Laugh

This is how it feel to get a form rejection on a partial or full.

The Querying Process (in gif form)

When someone decides to become a novelist, no one tells them that writing the novel is actually the EASY part. Don't get me wrong, writing a full-length book is one of the hardest feats known to man. But, in the scope of the publishing process...the publishing journey, if you will...it's like taking candy from a baby.

Well, maybe not this baby.

So you've slaved over your novel for months or years--or even decades! You've worked just as long and hard on your query and synopsis. You have everything in place and all your CPs and Betas are sure your work is going to knock the socks off anyone who reads it. I mean, you have a unique plot, 3 dimensional characters, the the most epic of

Get it? Plot twists :o)

You've opened up QueryTracker in one tab, your email in another, and Absolute Write in a third tab. You're going fishing for agents and you just KNOW you're going to snag a big one. You're going to make a catch so impressive no one else is going to believe it.

You send out fifteen twenty queries because you fucking KNOW every agent's going to love your story. You aren't going to be vying for agent's attention. They're going to be vying for yours. They're going to be begging YOU to be their client. 

Two days go past and you get your first email. You wave it off. You're not going to bother reading it just yet. I mean, you know it's a full request so why bother with it. There will be more where that came from. A week passes. You've got three more responses. You know it's about time to check em out. I mean, you've kept them on the edge of their seat long enough. You've got THEM checking their inbox every five minutes. You do a little dance before heading over to your computer.

You take a gander at your inbox and browse through the email previews. The preview doesn't give you much info so you open the first email, then the second...then the third and forth. Rejections. Your heart drops. But not much because four rejections isn't enough to jar your confidence. I mean, those agents responded wwaayy too fast. They probably didn't even read your work. They were probably like...

You're a little flustered but you don't let that get you down. You wait another week. Silence. Utter Silence. Your inbox is completely naked, minus the BS gmail or yahoo sends you. You start to sweat a bit. It's not a panic because it's only been two weeks. But your writing is awesome. They should have gotten back to you by now. You go over to QueryTracker and check the comments.

Oh hell to the naw, you think. That person sent their query after yours and they already got a response. This is bull. They forgot about me. They didn't get it. They're dissing me. They didn't like my work. I'm a terrible writer. My book isn't as good as a thought. Shit.

Poor kid

No worries. You're going to go write something even better. You bury your head in you newest WIP for two weeks, not even bothering to check your email. Between work, school, writing, and your social life, looking for an agent completely slips your mind.

Until that one day...

You open up your email account and see you have eight replies. Eight. EIGHT! You're afraid to look through them. You're afraid they might be rejections like the last time. You're afraid that this novel might end up like your last one. Shelved. Collecting dust. You start to question your abilities as a writer. You're not good enough. You suck. You'll never make it. But there is that voice in the back of your head that begs to differ. You know you have what it takes. You know your idea is brilliant if someone...anyone...would just take the time of day to read it.

But you can't put this off any more. You have to open the email. You have to know...

REJECTION!

Nothing but rejection.

It's crippling. You want to cry. You want to scream. You want to voice your frustration to all the agents who rejected your work. You want to beg them to give you a chance. But you know you can't. That's unprofessional. Not only that but you know they won't look twice at you. They'd know they made the right choice, even if you know they didn't.

You file those email in your 'Rejection' folder while thinking about self-publishing. There are no gatekeepers in the world of self-publishing. Breaking into that world doesn't require the validation of someone you don't even know.

But just as you're about to close out of your email, your phone buzzes its email notification. You click refresh. The email pops up. From the preview, you read, Please send me the full of...

In the sea of rejection you've just swam out of, you think, where the hell did that come from?

No. Seriously. Where DID that come from.

You send off your manuscript and file the email in your 'Request' folder. First one! You know it's going to be a long wait. The agent is one of your top choices. You know they have a hellacious slush pile and it's going to take 6 to 8 weeks for them to get back to you.

You wait. You're a patient person. You worry. Because now you have a lot of time for that. You hope they get to chapter five because you're sure they'll be hooked from there. That's where one of your many twists occur. All they have to get to is chapter five.

Those words practically become a mantra...a prayer. Dear God, just let her read to chapter five. If she gets to chapter five I'll never ask you for anything else.

Two weeks pass. Those weeks are filled with three rejections and two partials from agents you want...but not as much as the agent who is considering your full. You're unsure what to think. You wonder if you truly are good enough to make it in such a competitive field. The question presses on your mind night and day. The moment you gain even a morsel of confidence, you find an error in your story. You become confident that the agent is going to reject your work because of that one, STUPID mistake. 

You lose hope. 

You break down.

You want to cry, but you refuse to allow yourself tears. You stone your heart and you get back to working on your WIP.

Just as you're finishing up the fifth chapter, your phone rings. It's a 212 number. Probably a bill collector. You don't answer it. It rings again. Same number. Geez, these bastards are persistent. 

You: Hello.

Agent: Hi. This is Awesome Agent from Awesome Agent Literary. Is Awesome Writer around?

It's the agent who requested your full. HOLY SHIT.

Agent: I read you novel and I loved it. I especially loved the twist at chapter five. I was hooked before, but that hooked me even more. I'd like to offer you representation.

And that is the moment you become a Pokemon trainer.

Ash catches the legendary AWESOME AGENT!

The truth: This post could have ended in tears and depression. The agent who has your full could have left you with a form rejection, and the two partials you have out could have ended with no response. The road to publication is not for the feint or weak of heart. You will questions yourself, you'll want to quit, you'll be driven to the point of making a rash decision (vanity press or an extortionate agents) just to feel like you've made it.

You have to be strong enough to fight against those feelings. You have to be strong enough to persevere.

 I wish every journey could end in success and happiness, but the fact is, many don't. If you take the first steps of this long long journey, you have to be okay with never reaching the end.

You have to be.

Visual Examples of Bad Queries

I've had this post archived for a while now because I wasn't sure if it would be helpful. But I'm going to take a gamble and post it anyway. As the title suggests, I'm going to show you what a bad query would look like if it were a movie trailer.

If you think about it, a query and a movie trailer are do the exact same thing. So, without further ado, I present the trailer for World War Z and C Me Dance.




What's right with this trailer.

Okay, so we meet our hero (Brad Pitt), who's a beloved family man. There's an emotional attachment to him because we see him doing what he must to keep his family safe. And I mean, who wouldn't root for a father trying to save his family.

What's wrong with this trailer.

There's a lot of eye-candy (which amounts to shock value in a query). It dazzles, but it the scope of things, it tells us nothing about the movie. We see masses of people swarming and crawling over each other for a reason that isn't even hinted at. When I first saw this trailer (before I watched the movie and heard about the book) I assumed it was people desperate to get away from a greater threat, and because they were 'exposed' the Army was sent in to kill them. More or less, I thought it was Brad Pitt's version of Resident Evil, during Raccoon City's quarantine.

I was surprised to discover it was a zombie movie. *Shrugs* But the zombies were the running kind, so that was pretty cool.

All in all, the trailer gave us a hero to root for and that's about it. The stakes were kind of lame because the family was taken to safety a little more than halfway through the trailer (and you can tell grunt of the story occurred after that). The antagonist isn't made clear, and neither is the conflict. Or what has to be done to resolve the conflict. Those are must-haves in a query.





What's right with this trailer.

Um...the music isn't terrible...and all the spelling was right...mostly. I don't know what the C is for in the title.

What's wrong with this trailer.

Voice is paramount in a query. This trailer is a prime example of what happens when voice is completely omitted. Everything just falls flat. Really flat. Lack of voice doesn't make a query terrible, it just sucks the excitement out of it. Kind of like this...

Batman is a query with no voice. Catwoman, Batgirl, and Harley Quinn are queries with voice.
I don't own this image.

In C Me Dance, we have a protagonist who is a dancer. Um...apparently, the devil wants her to stop dancing so he sends people/demons with weird eyes to appear out of nowhere and stand unreasonable close to her (mind you, I've watched this trailer a dozen times just to deduce that. With an agent, you only get once). Other than that, I have no idea what the story is about. I don't know what happens if she stops dancing or what the devil will do to her if she continues. It isn't clear what the protagonist has to do to ward off the antagonist, and I can't follow the events that transpire.

All in all, the trailer doesn't really give us anyone to root for. The dialogue seems forced and the 'tense' moments fall flat because *shrugs* I don't care about the MC. The voice is non-existent and none of the characters were developed in the slightest way. This trailer compares more to a rough story outline than a query.

Those are the only two trailers I have for now, but if you found this post helpful at all, give me a shout and I'll continue my hunt for trailers that would make for bad queries. I'll also keep my ear to the ground for terrible batman gifs.

Don't forget, contest coming up in January. It's a small contest so keep that in mind. Details coming soon.

Hi Batman!

Every writer is Batman, NOT Superman

We are not born with literary super strength or the ability to leap 120k word books in a single bound. We can't fly directly to an agent's desk and wow her with our manly (or womanly) physique and strong jawbone. Nope, no laser vision either (though I'm not sure why we would need that in the first place). 

We do, however, have a f**king AWESOME utility belt. We have big brains and the drive to challenge the odds. We have grappling hooks to pull us out of the depths of depression or frustration. We don armor that makes us (mostly) bulletproof. Each of us has a team of Alfreds and Robins, advising us, encouraging us, protecting us, and fighting for us. Our talent isn't a product of genetics or selective breeding. We had to exercise our brains and work hard for our abilities. 

And though a writer can still kick butt without a utility belt, I want to focus on the perks of having that belt, and the gadgets that I keep in mine.

• AgentQueryConnect: By far the best tool in my belt. AQC provides a community that a serious writer can't live without. From query crits to a shoulder to cry on when you make a stupid mistake, this is writer paradise.

• QueryTracker: Sending out queries takes A LOT of organization and research. QT brings almost all of the info to a single, well organized location. And to top it all off it Tracks the Queries you send...whoda thunk.

• Twitter: Following agents, agencies, and other writers on Twitter will guarantee you stay up to date on any and all writerly news. New agents, contests, agents closing/opening to submissions, agent wishlists, answers to FAQs, who sold what to where...all that and more can be found on Twitter.

• Reddit: Also known as the Front Page of the Internet, Reddit is a lesser known writing resource though it has some exceptional advice when it comes to writing, publishing, self-publishing, marketing, etc. Not only that, but there are numerous writer interviews (called Ask Me Anythings or AMAs), explaining writer's mistakes, successes, and everything in between. You DO have to dig a bit to find the info, but it's there. And here's proof, and more proof, and an AMA

• Absolute Write: Great info, great forums. Very helpful in doing research on the reputation of agents and agencies. Any time I'm researching an agent, this is the first place I check.

• Preditors and Editors: A very large list of agents, agencies, publishers, and even lawyers. They let you know whether they charge fees (always avoid these agents) or if there is/was any funny business going on in the past or present. The site gives you a very clear 'Not Recommended', 'Recommended', or 'Highly Recommended' next to most agent's names. Also, alphabetized.

If you have any more 'secret weapons' to add to the list, mention them in the comments below and I'll update the post. The above sites are just the sites in my bookmark bar utility belt. :D

20 Seconds

Life is an extraordinary thing.

I'm young. I'm still sorting through my life trying to figure out where I'm going and what I want for myself. I have big dreams and the drive and talent to accomplish them.

But I'm afraid of failing.

I'm afraid of my life not turning out how I want it. I'm not trying to sound haughty or better-than-thou, but I don't want to end up like him, broken and defeated. Or her, drunk and strung out. Or that person that we all know that's angry ALL the time.

They were once like me. They once had dreams and aspirations. They once had drive, gumption, talent, and the know-how to take them anywhere in life.

But they ended up like that. Angry. Depressed. Drunk.

Lost.

I remember when I first started querying agents. I was so happy to put myself and my work out there. I could have queried a million agents in one sitting if I didn't have the restraint. Then, the inevitable:

Rejection.

Rejection.

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.            
  Rejection.  Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.    Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.  
  Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.

I felt like every rejection brought me a step closer to relentless anger, a drunken stupor, or depression. When I queried agents after all the rejections, it felt like I ran a marathon before I even hit the send button. I was exhausted just copying and pasting my query letter into an email.

Then Query Kombat happened. No, it didn't just happen. It took a lot of hard work and planning, but SC, Michelle, and I made it happen. You, the mentors, judges, and agents made it happen.

Query Kombat took a huge leap of faith on my part. No one in the writing community knew who I was before the tournament. My co-hosts didn't even know who I was. If I failed, I would have felt ruined before I even began.

But Michelle and SC agreed to help me mold a single idea into a successful query kontest. They helped me with more than just that though. They helped me rebuild the confidence I lost amidst so much rejection.

I'm not saying I won't end up depressed, angry, or a drunken idiot. I don't know what the future holds. What I do know is what I can do now. What I do know is

                                                                                             -We Bought a Zoo