QK Top 16: Adult Urban Fantasy

Entry Nickname: The Decapitator

Title: The Art of Severance

Word Count: 82,000

Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy

Query:

ATF Special Agent Alexandra MacPherson can’t decide which is worse -- a witness who dies or a suspect who won’t stay dead.

A routine investigation escalates to FUBAR when one of the accused turns up dead, his body untouched, but drained of blood. Within a month, three more have died. The only link among the victims? Wounds mirroring the attacks of creatures that Alex can't believe exist: a vampiric witch, a revenant, and a bogeyman.

It’s the ugliest, messiest case of Alex’s career, but she can more than handle that. Maybe it will keep her from jogging the streets of Philadelphia at two in the morning or drunk-dialing her dead husband’s cell phone number. When her only viable lead is killed, Alex is forced to accept that some myths... aren’t.

Finding the man responsible is easy. Killing him and his spawn won’t be. Alex is fighting time and an enemy that no human can match. If she’s not up to the task, she won’t stay human for long. 

First 250:

Sometimes it all came down to the gun. SIG Sauer P226 .40 S&W or Rossi .357 Magnum revolver with a six-inch barrel. I’d picked the SIG. I should have gone with the Rossi.   

I stole a look at the battered clock on the wall of the loading dock. My dealer was only five minutes late. Not so long I worried he’d had second thoughts, but he needed to show soon. Before my unease fermented into something harder to conceal.

“He’s late,” Mike said.

I shrugged, and played like I hadn’t noticed and didn’t want to hiss at Mike for his observational skills.

“You watch the game last night?” Mike asked.

“What game?” 

“The Sox.”

A Sox fan. God help me. I’d kept hundreds of mindless details straight for six months but couldn’t for the life of me remember whether Kate Campbell gave a crap about the national pastime. “I don’t follow baseball.”

“They play the Yankees tomorrow.”

“Well, I do hate the Yankees.”

“Who doesn’t?” Mike dropped the remnant of his cigarette to the floor of the dock and crushed it under his shoe.

Kate Campbell was a vegetarian who sold lattes at an internet cafe and lived in a dump near Temple University. A fugitive from the United Kingdom for alleged involvement in a train derailment in North West England, she fancied herself a modern day Guy Fawkes.

I was done being Kate Campbell, the annoying twit.

QK Top 16: Adult SciFi

Entry Nickname: Zone Tripper
Title: Zone Trippers
Word count: 90,000
Genre: Adult SciFi

Query:

When a mystery disease causes soul transference among the infected, Owen MacIntyre is too logical to believe in the urban legend of Zone Trippers. After all, he holds an esteemed job at the CDC, managing the mass hysteria surrounding epidemics and preventing pandemics PR nightmares.

But when Owen’s only daughter, Eve, shows symptoms of the psychosis, claiming to be an Irish father of three, he can no longer dismiss the rumors. Owen is forced to face the fact that his estranged daughter is one of the fabled Zone Trippers. He locks Eve’s body in an asylum, ignoring the cycle of personalities who inhabit her body, while he searches the world for her soul.

When Eve’s body escapes the asylum, Owen finds an unlikely partner in Humberto, a temporary soul in Eve’s body. While Owen fervently researches Zone Tripper’s Disease, Humberto hastily constructs a website which allows Eve’s soul to attempt a journey home. But without warning, several soul swaps yank her further away until Owen loses contact with her entirely.

Meanwhile, the world is divided between two camps: the Statics and the Trippers; furthered by an unscrupulous reality television show which exploits the Trippers, while spreading false information and rumors.

Desperation turns to terror when Owen learns of a zone-tripping serial killer who has a get-out-of-jail-free card and a penchant for torture. A video blog details each gruesome murder and offers the first tangible clue in finding Eve’s soul.

Owen abandons logic and risks his job, his life, and his soul to rescue Eve, but he might have already lost the daughter he never really knew.

First 250 Words:

At the CDC, security was a formality but success was often elusive.

My name and title was printed on the magnetized card: “Owen MacIntyre, Executive Officer of Public Health Preparedness and Response.” But the machine squawked at me nonetheless.

A uniformed guard meandered over to me, gun at his hip and doubt in his eyes.

“Problem?”

“The card reader isn’t working,” I said, uncaffeinated and irritated. My wife used to make coffee before work but now I was at the mercy of the dregs in the community pot upstairs. My daughter, Eve, only drank green tea.

The guard compared the photo to my face and swiped the card quickly. It gave a satisfying beep.

“Must be sun flares,” the guard replied, referring to yesterday’s memo. The advantage of working at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was the abundance of choices for blame. A flurry of potential disasters cluttered my in-box every morning. And every coincidence was the epicenter of an impending catastrophe.

I followed him past the open terminals to the bank of elevators.

“Thanks for the help,” I said, pressing four.

“No worries. Have a nice day saving the world.”

I didn’t bother to tell him I was in charge of press releases, not world-saving.

“There is another outbreak,” Rylan announced unceremoniously as I stepped off the elevator. My intern was partial to delivering bad news in person, rather than via email. “Another cluster of psychosis patients have been linked to the H2N8 virus. An intake ward in Phoenix is reporting a group of trippers.”

QK Top 16: MG Contemp

Entry Nickname: Eye Above You

Title: TREE ROPER

Word Count: 26K

Genre: MG Contemporary

Query:

Born with one eye, twelve-year-old Jimmy Parker would rather climb trees with his rope and harness than hang around with people – after all, trees don’t tease. Jimmy’s prosthetic eye looks good, but due to the nature of his birth defect, it is smaller than his real eye and sits lower on his cheekbone, making for a lopsided face. Jimmy is determined to afford the surgery that he’s sure will fix his face – and change his life. With money scarce and cosmetic surgery expensive, Jimmy convinces his arborist father to let him help out in the tree business this summer.

When cheaper rent and his mom’s new job compel Jimmy’s family to move across town, he meets cute and candid Samantha Fulton while rescuing her grandma’s cat from a tree. Sam admires Jimmy’s climbing skills and welcomes him to the new neighborhood, even tagging along on a local tree job. But her own family drama ties her closer to Jimmy than he realizes. Then one afternoon, as Jimmy helps his father on a routine limb removal, a climbing line breaks, sending his father crashing onto a roof below. With his father recovering in the hospital, Jimmy and Sam conceive a plan they hope will save the tree business, and offer Jimmy and his family a chance at a new beginning.

First 250 words:

It was the third day of summer vacation, and I was hanging in a tree. Sweet! My first client of the summer stopped pacing as I glanced down at her tired face and messy nest of white hair.

“Please don’t walk right under me, Mrs. Murphy. It’s not safe.”

“Oh, of course. Are you okay up there? Maybe you should come back down and I’ll try again with the food.”

“I’m good. I’ve done this lots of times. Besides, I don’t think your cat’s that hungry yet.”

I was anxious to show her I could do this. Not just for the money she promised, which would add to my surgery stash, but because of the way she stared at me three days ago when my mom introduced us. Mom had noticed too, but went on about how moving to this side of town was going to make things so much easier for our family—mainly being able to walk to her job and the better school for me and Ethan. Most people didn’t even realize they stared. But I knew.

Mrs. Murphy couldn’t have known then that the right eye was a fake, though. Mom probably told her later.

As I hung from the rope above her yard, my arms throbbed and my stomach burned from the workout. I relaxed into the canvas and leather loops of Dad’s old climbing saddle. It fit me well enough that I could use it this summer to help out with the tree business.

QK Top 16: Contemp Women's Fiction

Entry Nickname: Champagne & Hot Dogs
Title: The Accidental Socialite

Word count: 75,000

Genre: Contemporary Women’s Fiction

Query:

When small town Canada collides with the glitz and glamour of London, someone’s lady parts trend on Twitter.

Quirky and a little clumsy, Paige Crawford leaves Edmonton, Canada because she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life living in a city best known for its big mall and above average murder rate. Dreaming of a fabulous career, cultured friends and preferably, a hot foreign boyfriend, she leaps on a plane to London, England. Twenty-four hours into her adventure, Paige ends up at a club and, having one too many, trips out the front doors only to be caught by a notorious and married footballer.

Waking up in a foreign country is hard enough, but waking up to find yourself on the front cover of a national newspaper and being labeled a home wrecker is less than ideal. And London seems intent on teaching Paige lessons she didn’t know she needed—such as how to narrowly escape deportation after assaulting Prince William with a Star Wars toy or the British definition of fanny after using it liberally in a presentation at work.

Things start to look up when Paige meets expat southern gentleman Jason Frost. He seems perfect, and not just because he knows Paige isn’t truly a harlot or because he introduces her to fancy things she’s only seen on Gossip Girl. But when Paige realizes Jason’s been the one feeding stories to the papers to manufacture himself a famous girlfriend, she is determined to rebuild her reputation and concentrate on developing her career. However, the paparazzi are only interested in catching her bad side. Train wrecks sell magazines and Paige is tied to the tracks. Look out London, this small town girl has a few lessons of her own to teach. 

First 250 words:

It was 3 A.M. and all I wanted was a cheeseburger.

“Miss, we only sell Big Macs after midnight,” said the McDonalds employee.

My stomach grumbled. My diet since I got off the plane had consisted mostly of Champagne, Vodka, and seared tuna.

“Yes, I understand that and I will pay for a Big Mac, but I would like a cheeseburger, so can you, like, remove a patty and mid bun and hold the secret sauce? Please?”

“Miss, I am sorry but we do not have this item.”

Liar. He didn’t look sorry. I immediately wanted to get on the next flight home. It rained cheeseburgers in Canada.

A tall, drunk and incredibly beautiful blonde South African girl appeared at the till next to me.

“I’ll have a hot dog.”
That was my new best friend, Lucinda.

We walked out of McDonalds with a small fries to ‘split’, which really meant Lucinda was going to watch me eat them. As I was elegantly shoving eight fries into my mouth at once, not unlike a four-year-old, a swarm of camera wielding hyenas approached. One flash triggered the rest and little white dots burned into my retina. I stumbled, almost dropping my fries. 

What was going on? I looked for the celebrity garnering all this attention. I couldn’t believe my luck, I was about to spot someone famous on my first day in London! But when Lucinda slapped the second fist full of fries out of my hand and pulled me towards a taxi, I realized with confusion that the so-called celebrity was me.

QK Top 16: YA SciFi

Entry Nickname: Colorblind
Title: An Uncommon Blue
Word Count: 65K
Genre: YA Sci Fi

Query:

In Télesphore, the glowing color of a person’s palm determines their place in society, and touching hands with another mixes the colors permanently. For the first sixteen years of his life, rugby star Bruno Nazaire hasn't had any trouble keeping his hands to himself. But when a Green boy sneaks into Blue Campus to get Bruno's autograph and is attacked by a guard, Bruno falls into defense mode.

And kills the guard.

Whether or not the slaying was accidental, the rule of law has not been challenged in fifty years and the Steward is determined to make an example of Bruno. That is, if he can catch him.

Bruno's only chance at survival is to become someone else. That means a haircut, a change of wardrobe, and most important, getting rid of his once cherished Blue. Now he’s visiting parts of town he never knew existed, and making friends with people he would've crossed the street to avoid only weeks ago. But the officials hunting him are getting smarter, and in a city enclosed by jagged iron fences, there are only so many places to hide.At the last minute, Bruno’s parents arrange a deal to clear his name and get some semblance of his life back. All Bruno has to do is abandon those in the Red slums that look to him as a leader and let a familiar Green boy die in his place.

First 250 words:

There are three unspoken rules in high school rugby.

1. Your team members are family.

2. You support your family.

3. This support must be shown periodically with an affectionate slap on the butt.

After four years as the starting right winger, I had almost gotten used to this.

Almost. At least I no longer felt the urge to bloody my teammates' noses when they tried it. But in the middle of the hall? No way. During school hours my glutes were off limits.

I whirled around to explain this to whichever of my idiotic team members was behind me.

Instead, I found myself face to face with an attractive redhead.

“Hey, Bruno,” Drea said with a smirk. “Ready for the test?”

I opened my mouth but no sound came out.

Even with her super-short hair, Drea was stunning. Before last summer she’d often been mistaken for a boy. But that all ended when puberty hit. With both fists.

I recovered from my embarrassment enough to nod.

She leaned against the lockers. Her face reflected the light from her blue palm as she twisted an earring. “History should be a breeze compared to pre-calc. I wanted to stab myself in the eye when I got to that section on antiderivatives.”

I grunted and fumbled with my combination.

Without warning she came up close and spoke in a half-whisper. Her hair smelled like coconut. “I know someone that likes you. If you hurry up with that lock, we might have time to talk before the final.”

QK Top 16: YA Contemp (in verse)

Entry Nickname: Lies and Lovers
Title: Lies My Father Told Me
Word Count: 34,000
Genre: Contemporary YA (in verse)

Query:

When fifteen-year-old Eden Thompson’s dad dies, poetry is her only escape. Her friends are distant and her mother spends most of her time shut away with a bottle of wine. Desperate for a connection with other people, Eden shares her words online. Just beyond the screen she finds Mason, a university student who leaves her long poetic messages that fill the empty space in her life. Having also lost a parent, he understands her pain and quickly becomes her one constant.

When they finally meet in person, Mason’s passionate words and the heat of his fingertips against her skin awaken a part of Eden she didn'tknow existed. But she swore to her dad that she would wait until marriage to have sex, and she doesn’t want the last promise she made to die with him. Uneasy with Mason’s desire for more, Eden struggles to untangle her own conflicting desires from her fear of losing him if she says no.

On the anniversary of her dad's death, Eden's mom drunkenly slurs a secret that changes everything: her dad wasn’t the person she thought he was. Her family, her life, her promise to him––all of it was based on a lie. Now that everything she knew is broken and betrayed, she turns to Mason, hoping for an escape from her pain. Torn between what her father wanted for her and what Mason wants from her, Eden must finally decide what it is she wants for herself.

First 250 words:

This Is The Part Where My Father Dies

Silence 

At the funeral, 

everyone laughed,
but my mom’s voice—
it sounded more like a cry. 

She drank too much wine
and laughed too loud at the stories 
my dad’s
family and colleagues and friends and students told, 
their voices rushing 
to fill the emptiness 
with anecdotes. 

They were all 
strangers.  

Her lips and teeth were stained 
with red, 
and when I looked at her, 
all I saw was 
an empty shell,
a book
without any pages. 
Dead but not dead.  

She was a stranger,
too.

Sometimes there was a glance
in my direction
for a few moments
too long.

Like sweat,
I could feel it on me.

Nobody said anything. 

I had lost
my words.  

Afterwards

I couldn’t understand how 
there could be 
an afterwards
now that 
he was gone.

The car swerved
to avoid
a deer
but 
hit 
and 
killed
my dad
instead. 

Somehow, 
it was ten months later.
I was fifteen 
and ready for high school:
with my knee socks and their elastic bands
slipping down my legs, 
with my tartan kilt in green and blue, 
with my ring and 
my promise 
I made him 
only weeks before
            he died.

Eden,
I want you 
to keep this
until you get
married. 

The ring slid on 
so easily.
It fit 
so perfectly. 

But it was so much heavier
than the metal it was made of, 
and the way it wrapped itself
around me, 

like it could never leave.

Like it would be there
forever.

QK Top 16: YA Contemp

Entry Nickname: Broken Jar
Title: In Pieces
Word count: 52,000
Genre: YA contemporary

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Clare Donovan has no idea what she wants do after high school, but she knows who she wants to be with. At least until her boyfriend Jesse Talcott hits her.

Part of Clare wants to hide in her bed forever and never speak to Jesse again. Part of her is just plain pissed. But part of her still sees the old Jesse, her best friend of five years and boyfriend for
almost two. Jesse’s the guy she planned to go to college with. The guy who blew off house parties to take her for walks. The guy who held her hand in the ER when she broke her tailbone and didn’t even snicker
when the doc discussed bowel movements. He’s not this new guy who keeps secrets, fails tests, and skips classes.

Clare knows the boy she loves is still in there because Jesse wants to step up and tell everyone exactly why she dumped him. But she can’t let him do that. If this gets out, it’ll ruin his life—and hers. No
one wants to be the girl whose boyfriend hit her.

There has to be a reason he snapped, and Clare’s going to find out what it is. Even if Jesse doesn’t want her to. And even if it means learning the scariest thing of all: she can’t fix him, and she doesn’t
know who she is without him.

First 250 words:

It's 6:17 pm on January 21st when Jesse Talcott hits me. I know, because I just glanced at my watch. The one he gave me for Christmas barely a month ago. It’s Michael Kors—my favorite designer—and silver,
with crystals instead of numbers.

I opened it the night before Christmas on the snowy porch of his parents' house because I thought Dad would freak if a boy came to bring me a gift on Christmas morning, and honestly, it was kind of a
what-the-hell moment. I mean, who wears a watch? That's what cell phones are for.

It’s the one time in the five years I'd known him that Jesse wasn't concerned about practicality.

So for him, I wear the watch. Our friends ooh and aah over it. Jesse’s asked about three hundred times if it's ok. If it's too much, too heavy, too silver. If I'd rather have something else. Maybe my shaking
hands as I opened it or the stuttered thank you made it obvious that I didn't know what to think of it. Tell the truth, I still don't know
what to think.

Especially now, with my face stinging in a way that I would've never in a million years seen coming. I can't look at him. I can't even think of him. All I can think of is the watch, the hands frozen. In my
mind, maybe it will perpetually be 6:17.

Champion Mentor, MarcyKate

A big welcome to one of our Query Kombat mentors. MarcyKate coached the Grand Champion, Jungle Vendetta to victory. We had to share her words of wisdom with you.

What did you think when asked to take part in a query contest as a mentor?

It sounded fun! I entered a metric crap-ton (yes, that’s the technical term)  of contests when I was querying, so I liked having an opportunity to help other writers still in the trenches.

And did the Query Kombat mentor process go smoothly? I believe you had two MG entries. What did you love about your entries and how did you make them better?

It went very smoothly. I had two AWESOME mentees who did a fabulous job polishing up their queries and first pages. I loved that they both had such voice (which is really, really hard to do!), and their willingness to take critique (not everyone does this well either, unfortunately). Also, they both had such unique concepts!

The first thing I did was ask them to send me their query and the first 5 pages of their manuscript. Even though the judging was only on the first page, I wanted to get a fuller sense of the opening. Beginnings are hard, and sometimes the right starting point isn’t until later on. Luckily both mentees had found a starting place that did feel right to me.

Most of my feedback was centered around the query – they’re the hardest to master and it’s hard to be objective about one’s own. I pointed out some areas that were confusing to me or where I thought we needed more information, as well as some suggestions for moving certain hooky bits further up to the beginning. I think they both did stellar work with them, and I’m just delighted to see the judges agreed with me on Jungle Vendetta J

Did you enter contests when you were back in the query stage? And how did you eventually snag such a fantastic agent?

Oh yes, I may have earned the nickname “Contest Queen” among my inner circle… I love pitch contests, I think they’re a fantastic way of getting your work out there and even if it doesn’t win the contest, it still gets exposure and can lead to other opportunities. For instance, I had a few agents who remembered my pitch from a contest and tracked down my website to ask for pages or to query them with my next book (and they weren’t even schmagents!). Putting yourself out there is an important part of the process, so you may as well get working on that now. Also these contests put you in touch with the online writing community, which is INVALUABLE.

However, despite my deep and abiding love of contests, I got my agent the old fashioned way – the slush pile.

Did you do a cartwheel or run around the house like crazy when you got your agent offer? Same with your publisher? We want to experience it through you!

I think I was mostly in shock when I got my first agent offer (almost a year ago!). It was very surreal to have an agent actually want to talk to me after querying three other manuscripts and getting hundreds of NOs over the course of several years. There was a lot of re-reading of emails, squeeing, and trying to convince myself that yes this was really happening. And then Suzie offered (after reading my manuscript in 24 hours – she’s a speed demon!), and another agent offered too, making three total. When you’re querying this sounds ridiculously glamorous, but in reality it’s very stressful! (Obviously, also awesome). Especially when they’re all great agents who love your book. But really, I couldn’t imagine *not* signing with Suzie, so I did. Best. Decision. Ever. J

The first publishing offer was a little different. Suzie sent the manuscript to a bunch of editors on a Thursday afternoon and by Monday we already had interest from two. I was determined not to get my hopes up too high because interest doesn’t always translate to a book deal – it means the editor loves it, but now they need to convince a room full of people to love it too. I figured it would be a long haul, so while I was thrilled, I tried not to panic about it too much.

Then that Friday came along and it was the worst day ever. I had the first non-raving performance review of my life, despite working crazy hours on a regular basis, and spent much of the day crying and panicking in the bathroom afraid I was going to get fired (spoiler: I didn’t).  At some point, I tweeted something along the lines of Dear Universe: if you have anything good coming my way, there’s no better time than now. And wouldn’t you know? Less than hour later I got call from Suzie – she’d seen my tweet and had just received some news that she thought might cheer me up: HarperCollins wanted to buy my book! (spoiler:  IT SO DID CHEER ME UP).  Needless to say, this catapulted me to the opposite side of the emotional spectrum, and there were many more tears shed that afternoon, but of the joyful variety.  In short, I was a bit of a wreck that day! (Moral of the story: sometimes, the Universe answers. Also, ice cream sundaes for dinner make everything a little brighter J)

I know you have an MG yourself, Monstrous, that will be published next year. Tell us a little about it and share if you have a release date yet.

MONSTROUS is an upper MG fantasy that’s Frankenstein meets the Brothers Grimm told from the viewpoint of the monster as a teenage girl. There’s a slightly longer description on Goodreads if you like. I don’t have an exact date yet, but it is currently scheduled for Winter 2015.

What is an important difference between the YA voice and MG voice?

Ah geez, you had to ask this didn’t you? Honestly, it’s a I-know-it-when-I-see-it thing, especially since there’s a whole range of voice types for both YA and MG. 

Generally speaking though, I think MG tends to be more internally focused on the main character, who they’re becoming and their place in their particular sphere, whereas YA tends to encompass those things but also with an eye to how the main character fits into the society/world at large. But as with all generalizations, there’s plenty of exceptions.

We’d love to have you back as a mentor next time. Are you up for it?

YES, absolutely! It was fun!

Bio: MarcyKate Connolly is an author and arts administrator who lives in New England with her husband and pugs and writes weird little books. She’s also a coffee addict, voracious reader, and recurring commuter. She blogs about all those things and more at MarcyKate.com, and can often be found on Twitter. Her work is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary & Media, and her debut upper MG fantasy novel, MONSTROUS, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in Winter 2015.

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And remember the SWEET 16 starts July 8th. The top sixteen Query Kombat finalists will go before agents and hopefully get tons of requests!

QK Top 16: YA Fantasy

Entry Nickname: Not Odette
Title: Princess of Swans
Word count: 84,000
Genre: YA Fantasy

Query:

To Feyana Belmaron, heir to her war-torn country's throne, "princess" is just a synonym for "prisoner." After a traitor disfigured her and killed her mother, Feyana’s father confined her to an isolated castle to keep her safe. Ten years later, Feyana gives up hope that her father will ever let her go—and with a face like hers, no storybook prince is likely to come to her rescue.

But perhaps she can come to his.

When a volkarei witch foretells Feyana’s marriage to an enemy prince—a marriage that would not only end the war, but unite the feuding countries for good—the princess seizes the chance to put her castle walls behind her. Eager to finally serve her people, Feyana disguises herself, scales the wall, and ventures out to find and court the prince. 
But reaching him means crossing hundreds of miles of enemy territory with only a pair of criminals, a gentle monster and a roguish thief, to protect her. Worse, her handsome prince has an ugly secret—and an even uglier temper.  Faced with a lifetime in thrall to a prince far more alarming than charming, Feyana must make a bitter choice: plunge her country back into a devastating war, or give up her hard-won freedom.

Forever.

First 250 words:

Tavor Castle is beautiful, for a prison. The white stone castle is small but well-kept, and its fields and woods cover almost a square mile. Even the looming, twenty-foot walls enclosing the grounds have an odd charm to them. To protect me, Father says, but I know better. It’s to hide me. The only ugly thing in Tavor Castle is its princess.

I jam my foot into Lulari’s stirrup and glare up at the walls, wishing my hate could melt them. Only a little longer, until the war ends, and I’ll be free. Father promised that much, at least.

I turn away and cluck Lulari to a walk. The warm breeze ruffles my hair and fills my nose with the ripe scent of horse. I smile. Outside, there may still be walls, but at least there’s no ceiling. I turn my head—and an ashen, black-cloaked woman unfolds like a blanket in mid-air.

Lulari rears.

The ground rises up to punch me before I can scream. Pain jars my shoulder and back, sharp enough to cut. I lie still a moment, gasping.

"Princess Feyana!"

A stablehand races toward me, her face white with horror. I draw a long, steadying breath, then probe my ribs and limbs for tenderness. Nothing broken, praise Dal.  I sit up and groan.

“I’m fine,” I say. “Is she all right?”

The mysterious woman lies crumpled beneath her cloak, her face unnaturally gray. I crawl toward her, my shoulder throbbing, but the stablehand pulls me back sharply.

The black mass I took for a cloak is a vast, dark wing.

QK Top 16: YA Fantasy

Entry Nickname: Supergeeker
Title: SUPERGEEK
Word Count: 60,000 words
Genre: YA Fantasy

Query:

Fifteen-year-old Talis Brooks has been called a lot of things. Geek. Sad Virgin. Chesty McNoBoobs. But when puberty kicks in overnight, Talis doesn’t just go up a cup size, she gains the strength and agility of a superhero. Suddenly she can toss around 250-pound bullies, fight like a ninja and her butt totally fills out her jeans.

Talis knows what could happen if she doesn’t keep her new powers a secret (government conspiracies! Lab experiments on her brain! Uncomfortable probing!) But when pretty boy Cole is almost stabbed by rogue band geeks, a masked Talis can’t help but save him. Cole and his friends have become targets of a mysterious gang of social misfits, out to take down the popular elite. With her classmates in danger, Talis creates a secret identity to protect them-- even the mean evil bitches out to socially destroy her.

Now Talis is stuck in a love triangle between her, Cole, and her superhero alter ego, her every super move is being tracked and tweeted, and, oh yeah, there’s that psychotic gang situation.

As the gang’s attacks spiral out of control, Talis must figure out a way to stop them before someone, you know. . . dies.

First 250 words:

I just don’t want to die. Of humiliation. Besides getting straight A’s, that’s pretty much my only goal this year.

Coach Marshall, evil fiend in tiny man shorts, is out to thwart my plans. When he divides us up for volleyball, he puts me in with the Beautiful People. This is not where I belong.

Marshall busts me sneaking onto my usual court—the one with my asthmatic friend Jane, Weird Cape Billy and the kid wearing a helmet. My people. He waves me over to the last court. “Talis, I told you, you’re over there today.”

“Coach—” I say, but he’s already moved on, yelling at two freshmen beating each other with the soft baseball bats.

Obviously whoever made PE mandatory isn’t an easy bleeder with little to no physical coordination. I put it off until sophomore year, hoping I’d get breasts before having to engage in the horror of group showers. Unfortunately, puberty is eluding me.

I take my time walking over. I pull up my gym shorts, which are always sliding down, even with the top rolled. I try to look busy, pretending to read the safety guidelines listed on the wall. While I’m admiring the rules and regulations, I get a weird tingly feeling on the back of my neck, like someone’s staring at me. When I look, I lock eyes with just about the worst person possible.

“Are you lost little girl?” Shawna Soto, tyrant of the sophomore class, master of the well-timed slut bomb, purveyor of eating disorders, is talking to me.

QK Top 16: MG Fantasy/Adventure

Entry Nickname: Troglin Snot

Title: ASHER LOCKE AND THE KNIGHTS OF ARCADIA
Word Count: 54,000
Genre: MG Fantasy/Adventure

QUERY:

Being thirteen and without a dad sucks. Asher would do anything to see his father just one more time, but he knows that won't happen. His dad died three years ago and it's been nothing but memories ever since. But when a sword-wielding wall of pecs named Gareth shows up and saves Asher from a creature right out of a midnight monster movie, the moppy-haired seventh grader gets handed some news that's better than a hundred free rolls of tokens at the arcade.

Asher learns his dad's actually alive and being held captive by Lord Balor – a slimy dad-nabber who's hiding in Eden Worn, a magical world hidden behind the middle school’s boiler room.

Asher can't understand why anyone would steal his father, but he’s determined to find out. That is if he can make it through the horde of Grimhounds, army of bloodthirsty Troglins, and ten thousand miles of death in his way. Along with Gareth and two loony enchanters, Asher launches a rescue mission as epic as it is insane. If he fails, he can kiss ever seeing his dad – and returning to his own world – goodbye.

FIRST 250:

The straight razor made a satisfying snikt as Asher freed the blade from its metal handle.

He used to enjoy that sound.

Just holding his dad's old blade was a kick in the gut. He loved how his dad would set him on the sink and let him pretend-shave with a spoon. But three years of living off nothing but memories still hurt.

No need to start boo-hooing about it now, though. Today was Asher's birthday. Big 13. Officially a teenager. And if what Em told him was true, a thick mask of facial hair was just a few shaves away.

Asher adjusted his little finger on the curvy end of the handle and glanced up at the foam-covered face staring back at him in the mirror. He let out a long breath, sending a small wad of froth flying out of his nostril.

He pressed the blade against his face and a white-hot pinch seared his chin. Asher sucked in a quick breath, dropping the razor in the sink. A tiny bead of blood stained the shaving cream under his lower lip a pale pink.

"Seriously?" Round one with the razor and he nearly sliced his head in half. It was pointless. He washed off his face, hating the idea that he'd spend the first day of his teenage career looking just like he did when he was a kid: hairless and unmanly. And now reeking of his mom's Pink Mango-Splosion Lady Lather.

Awesome.

Meet The First Ever Query Kombat Champion, Chris von Halle!

QK Champion Chris von Halle

About Chris von Halle:

I’m an aspiring fantasy and science fiction writer. I recently obtained my MFA in Writing Popular Fiction from Seton Hill University, and I live in the otherwordly realm of Mendham, NJ. Feel free to visit my blog at:
http://chrisvonhalle.blogspot.com/ or give me a shout-out on Twitter at: @ChrisvonHalle.


The judges went wild over your story of a boy and his uncle stranded on a dangerous safari. Tell us a little about the plot and characters of Savage Jungle.

My protag Kreith is a technologically savvy videogame lover without an ounce of muscle and who is a bit of a wimp. He looks up to his Uncle Tonas, who plays opposite him as the big, macho tough-guy, and it’s through Kreith’s adventures in the jungle that he finds out what true toughness is and how useful his own strengths are. Plot-wise, he and Uncle Tonas get stranded in the jungle by a man out for revenge on Uncle Tonas (wrong place, wrong time for Kreith), and they need to survive not only the lethal animals, but ultimately this vengeful sicko himself.


What inspired you to write it?

Oh, man…that’s a tough one haha. I think most of the time I have no idea where my story ideas come from. They usually just plop in my brain somehow, and the ones I love enough I start to write. But I love sci/fi and survival stories, so it’s easy to see how this one came to be


Have you written other stories and is middle grade and science fiction your preferred genre? How long have you been writing?

I’ve been writing stories ever since I can remember, but didn’t start writing “seriously” (with the intention of publication) until about five years ago. I always wrote fantasy, and thought for a while that middle-grade was my preferred genre, but surprised myself when I recently finished the rough draft of a YA dystopian, and I have an idea for an NA fantasy book that I’m pretty excited about.


How many drafts of your query did you go through and did you get any help from other writers prior to Query Kombat?

A LOT of drafts (too many to recall haha). And yes—lots of help prior to the contest. I have a beloved group of friends I met during my Writing Popular Fiction MFA program at Seton Hill University (we call ourselves The Troublemakers), and we’re constantly critiquing each other’s work/queries. This query has also been critiqued by crit partners I’ve met online who have really helped chisel it into shape.


What was your favorite/most helpful part of Query Kombat?

This is tough to say—the whole thing was fantastic! However, I think my favorite part was working with a mentor to really hone and improve my entry, and then having that entry go back into the crazy, frenzied battle that is Query Kombat! Also—all the great feedback from judges, mentors, and fellow kompetitors alike at all stages of the tournament was incredible.


How was the Query Kombat experience and how did you survive all those rounds without going crazy?

It was a fantastic experience, and I’m so happy to have been a part of it. It’s awesome being part of this wonderful writing community, and, like I said, getting all that helpful feedback from judges and fellow entrants right from the first round was so beneficial. It was a win-win no matter what ;)


Any words of wisdom for everyone in the query trenches?

It sounds so clichéd, but it’s really a matter of not giving up, continuing to stick it out and get better, both when it comes to sharpening your query and writing in general. The more advice you get (and give) and the longer you’re at the game, the more things stick and obviously the more you improve. You never know when it will all come together for you, and at the end of the day, no matter what, you can be proud of being a better writer than you were before!


We would love to have you as a judge for the next Query Kombat. Would you come back next year and do some voting?

Sure. I’d love to come back. It really has been such a great experience, and once again I thank the hosts, judges, mentors, and all the great kompetitors for such an awesome tournament! See you next year

I see bright things in Chris' future. I'm following his blog to stay abreast on his publishing adventure. Are you?