tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post5785701434226320073..comments2023-09-14T17:10:53.917-04:00Comments on Writer's Outworld: Query Critique: PRETTY DOLLS AND HAND GRENADESMichaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05934646615884109998noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-58933540772065268132013-11-24T12:45:10.901-05:002013-11-24T12:45:10.901-05:00I agree with Mike's comments. This is a really...I agree with Mike's comments. This is a really well written query letter for the most part and the voice is very vibrant -- and that's extremely hard to accomplish in a query letter. That alone with get an agent's attention.<br /><br />The only thing I have to add is about this line: <br /> In the same vein as Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl, <b>the domestic suspense of this novel will keep you turning the page until the mind-blowing twist at the very end.</b><br /><br />Remove that last bolded text. You don't want to be telling the agent what to expect, you want to be showing it. I know the whole "don't tell, show" advice is given too often, but it's important when it comes to this factor in the query letter. Particularly when you're putting it before all the other factors in the query letter. If you put it at the end, you could get away with it, but to put it before you start to show anything about your story isn't a great idea.<br /><br />Otherwise, really intriguing story!<br /><br /><br />Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12387192455675819898noreply@blogger.com