tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post3720844543379400594..comments2023-09-14T17:10:53.917-04:00Comments on Writer's Outworld: QK Round 3: Like-Minded Individuals vs. The DecapitatorMichaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05934646615884109998noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-7850581020774175282013-06-17T10:05:18.831-04:002013-06-17T10:05:18.831-04:00I agree with Stacey that LMI will get some request...I agree with Stacey that LMI will get some requests off this revised query and the punchy language and dark humor (The Good Samaritan Killer, The Mad Doctor, and Donnie and Marie!).<br /><br />Congrats to Decapitator, and hope that the agents are kind to you both.Durango Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14854000354374970070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-78811670294506144982013-06-16T22:57:11.989-04:002013-06-16T22:57:11.989-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR.
I really loved the fo...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR.<br /><br />I really loved the focus on the awesome concept in the Decapitator, and I LOVED the injection of voice in LMI. However, I felt the 250 dragged a bit near the second half.<br /><br />These were both great, though. Honestly. X-Man(uscript)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-58305522428805037642013-06-16T22:46:53.649-04:002013-06-16T22:46:53.649-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR
Wonderful job on revis...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR<br /><br />Wonderful job on revisions for both. The Decapitator won me with the first 250-words. It hooks more. Love the premise and query of LMI but I didn't feel as connected to the main character in the opening. Stormnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-91145378189725565282013-06-16T21:11:42.398-04:002013-06-16T21:11:42.398-04:00Stacey - I'm not offended at all. I think the ...Stacey - I'm not offended at all. I think the query for LMI is amazing. <br /><br />Huge, huge thanks to Rebecca for helping me with my entry!tarakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11879814735940426961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-58223444215099701532013-06-16T20:19:16.077-04:002013-06-16T20:19:16.077-04:00I'm actually surprised at how not-close the vo...I'm actually surprised at how not-close the voting was here. Decapitator, hope you don't mind me saying that I'd vote LMI if I were a judge. That query is frigging fantastic. Color me impressed. As someone else said, you and your mentor blew this out of the water. You'll get requests no doubt. So good luck! And of course good luck to The Decapitator too, clearly your query is great as well. Stacey Trombleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05093836904596108872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-50919097080480457982013-06-16T08:37:41.504-04:002013-06-16T08:37:41.504-04:00Victory to the Decapitator!
To LMI, your query h...Victory to the Decapitator! <br /><br />To LMI, your query has improved so much! It's really awesome now. I'd work a bit more to make yoru first 250 pop, that's the only place your competitor trumped you. But barely. Just barely. Good luck!<br />SavageBluehttp://lizzycharles.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-51548862458768559652013-06-15T21:19:39.371-04:002013-06-15T21:19:39.371-04:00Yay Decapitator!!! That's my girl!!! Proud M...Yay Decapitator!!! That's my girl!!! Proud Mentor-Mama here! You kicked butt and made such awesome changes! I'm so proud of you!!! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02262719191451013574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-48617809538211165842013-06-15T18:28:51.637-04:002013-06-15T18:28:51.637-04:00Congrats, Decapitator! You absolutely decapitated ...Congrats, Decapitator! You absolutely decapitated me and my decapitators! Your book sounds, um, killer and I can't wait to read it. Good Job!Stuart R. Westhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12199079894134598567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-12979936374324989332013-06-15T15:07:19.047-04:002013-06-15T15:07:19.047-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR
Both queries have impr...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR<br /><br />Both queries have improved significantly. They are easy to understand and lay out the stakes. I liked LM’s query better, but the voice in The DECAPTITATOR’S 250 really captures the attention. <br /><br />It was a hard choice since I adore both you. Good luck!<br />Flamenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-18757142231488334022013-06-15T13:06:32.980-04:002013-06-15T13:06:32.980-04:00LMI: I love your query. It hints to so much but ne...LMI: I love your query. It hints to so much but never gives too much away. I kept wanting to know why Leon would need to join an organization such as that and expecting the query to reveal it later on. But when it didn't, I didn't feel cheated--just intrigued and needing to read to find out why. I think that's exactly what you want to happen in a query, so good job! My only suggestion in the first 250 would be to spell out LMI the first time it's mentioned. If I hadn't read the query I would've had no idea what it was. After we know what LMI stands for, the acronym works perfectly.<br /><br />Decapitator: Great first line of your query! Like the others have said, I'm not sure what distinctive marks a revenant or bogeyman leave when they attack or how an ATF agent would recognize them. But that'd be a minor and quick fix if you needed to change that. The first 250 sucked me right in and I really enjoy the voice you have there! <br /><br /><br />Awesome job to the both of you! Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01393809664039054658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-73158311166625240022013-06-14T22:04:31.055-04:002013-06-14T22:04:31.055-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR
Ditto to everyone. Whi...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR<br /><br />Ditto to everyone. While I really love the changes to LMI, Decapitator is still my pick. LittleMynxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-42158240877068568472013-06-14T19:41:19.312-04:002013-06-14T19:41:19.312-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR
LMI: Although I love s...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR<br /><br />LMI: Although I love some of the changes to the query, it now reads a bit more uneven for me. Like it's trying too hard in some spots and not hard enough in others. I was also brought up short by "justifiable homicide." I think of that as killing when there's an immediate threat to someone, not necessarily vigilanteism. For me, that took some of the punch out of the MC. The 250 has a couple of tense issues, and again it felt more uneven than droll noir. Instead of perking with interest after I read the query package last time, I had a more lukewarm reaction this time. It's a cool concept, though!<br /><br />Decapitator: Nice polish and voice in both query and 250. Solid! Dragonfirenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-26544554443202623402013-06-14T19:16:27.626-04:002013-06-14T19:16:27.626-04:00I really liked the addition of voice in LMI's ...I really liked the addition of voice in LMI's query but I didn't connect quite as much with the voice in the first 250. I noticed some tense issues there as well. I have to give victory to THE DECAPITATOR because the voice in the query and the first 250 really grabbed me!Hedgehognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-26280155117793408552013-06-14T16:17:47.329-04:002013-06-14T16:17:47.329-04:00Love the changes, LMI. You and your mentor blew th...Love the changes, LMI. You and your mentor blew that query out of the water. Way to add voice!<br /><br />Still gotta love the attitude going on in The Decapitator's first 250. The voice there suited my tastes just a little bit better.<br /><br />Victory to THE DECAPITATOR!Goldilocksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-53328549274182313492013-06-14T14:25:52.308-04:002013-06-14T14:25:52.308-04:00LMI: Wow, what a change you've made in your re...LMI: Wow, what a change you've made in your revisions. I love how clever you are and the turns of phrase you use. The details in your query are great (the names of the killers, the voice of your MC, etc.) I wondered a little bit about the balance between setup and plot in your query, as I felt the setup was a little heavy, but it's still a killer idea and (No pun intended?) and would make me interested in reading the book. I enjoyed your new 250, and I totally understand why you switched away from the flashback you used before, especially since it didn't match up with the query as much as some may like. I think the new 250 is still very compelling, though I wish it had a tiny bit more tension and was maybe a touch more ominous. Maybe it's just because I would've liked to have seen LMI defined, at least a little, in that opening. <br /><br />Decapitator: I love the changes to your query. The first sentence is so fantastic because it immediately hints at who the MC is, what the genre is, and what the plot is going to be about. I wish the mystery of what the killer is was a little less mysterious, but that's purely because I think it might help differentiate your book from so many others. I also love the first line of your 250. I'm immediately interested. I wish she went on to say why she should've chosen a different gun, but perhaps that's later in the chapter. I think it's smart to use how the MC feels about her current alias to show things about who the MC is, and I think the last line makes me want to see who she becomes next. <br /><br />Good luck to you both!Danelle Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01884079436393708539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-3690631612217373792013-06-14T13:13:12.869-04:002013-06-14T13:13:12.869-04:00LMI
I like the new edits a lot. I would lose the “...LMI<br />I like the new edits a lot. I would lose the “quote” marks because it denotes sarcasm. Especially since you use them in the query and the text.<br /><br />It seems very sudden that LMI turns on Leon. We don’t have a reason why. I like the introduction of additional characters and you are succinct about it.<br /><br />I like your new selection. It has nice tension and a contradiction in the weather vs. the holiday. Good job!<br /><br />Decapitator<br />Love the first sentence of your query. You give us wonderful hints into character without overstating. However, I am not sure how you specify between a vampire and a vampiric witch. I am sure you show us but it tripped me up in the query. Love the last line too.<br /><br />I completely glossed over your first paragraph though because gun names mean nothing to me. I like the tension in the setup but the question of whether she liked sports pulled me out. For the first 250, I’d try to make the dialogue really count. Excellent changes. <br /><br />Good job to you both and good luck!<br />Nicole Amslerhttp://www.nicoleamsler.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-18306133744502807492013-06-14T08:28:34.878-04:002013-06-14T08:28:34.878-04:00Victory to THE DECAPITATOR
Both excellent entries,...Victory to THE DECAPITATOR<br />Both excellent entries, and nicely polished. I found Alexandra more relatable right from the start, and loved the fresh humor as well as the promise of a bizarre mystery.Ultravioletnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034511096795820355.post-59988744566243153582013-06-14T04:18:11.332-04:002013-06-14T04:18:11.332-04:00This comment is reserved for judges' votes onl...This comment is reserved for judges' votes only.Michael Anthonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16089879383750676003noreply@blogger.com